Did You Know "Roma" Spelled Backwards is "Amor"? 😏

Said the Italian Man About to Ruin Your Life...

I know, I know guys, I took a break from this. Like every other thing in my life I love postponing, I did with this too, sorry oh😓

But I am back now! I think what I'll do now is post every Sunday unfailingly, cause i was still struggling to settle on a day for my posts. I believe Sunday gives me enough time. 

Anyway, enough about that. Let's talk on something much more interesting. I feel like talking on relationships, emotions and everything in between today.

As I type this, I’m already getting the feeling this might be TMI for someone like me who usually likes to stay mysterious and hidden💀 But, well, if you're reading this, I guess you're someone I trust enough to let you in on my inner thoughts.

Actually, just now, I went back and reread some of my old posts. I cringed at how cliché some of them were, but hey, who wouldn't? I know we all feel that way. I know you do most times, don’t lie! 😌

There's this thing I do on Twitter, where I let a thought stew in my drafts for a couple of days. If I can go back to it and not cringe, then it’s worth posting. Though this method isn’t always foolproof oh! 😂

But I digress. Yeah relationships! How’s everyone doing with this whole love thing sha? In this economy, no less, lol. Y'all still really loving these days? "It must be nice."🧍

I honestly feel like I don’t even know what that looks like anymore. If love showed up in front of me right now, I’m not sure I’d recognise it.

Before moving to this country, I didn't know just how much my understanding of relationships and love was very deluded. 

Don't laugh but I used to be one of those unfortunate people who came here thinking they'd find some Italian heartthrob, a hopeless romantic, the golden retriever boyfriend type, and we'd date for a year and then think about marriage. 😍

Boy, was I wrong, like wronger than wrong! 😂 After just one date, the way my brain reset real quick after that.

I’ve got stories for days on the dates I’ve had here; wild ones, some lovely ones. It’s been an adventure for real, and trust, my grandkids will definitely be entertained. 😂

I don’t even want to get into the types of men you’ll find here because that’s a whole book on its own. But yeah, they’re pretty much exactly as stereotypical as you’ve heard. Trust me, if it's coming from me too, believe it.

They just made me realise the saying, "shit covered with glitter or gold is just shining shit" is nothing short of the truth.

I’ll just let you in on a few types I’ve encountered: there's the mama’s boy, the very romantic one who sweeps you off your feet in his city but has definitely done the same to every tourist before you💀, the fuckboy with a toxic girlfriend he keeps going back to, the awkward nerd who's clearly never been with a lot of women before, the guy who’s never been with an African girl before, the guy who exclusively dates Black/African girls (calling you their black goddesses and other ridiculous names i have forgotten), what shocked me was the one who had dated exclusively Cameroonian girls (yes, I swear that’s a thing), but to add context for this one, he's French, so you understand. By the way, these traits are not mutually exclusive too. I believe your best eater will definitely be Italian too🙊; let me not threaten y'all with a good time, lmaooo. These and a lot more, but I think you get the idea.

Also, if there's one thing I'll tell you for free about Italian men: you see this one name, 'Giovanni'? Means 'young person' in Italian. It's Italian for the English name John and the french name Jean. Wherever you see anyone with that name, RUNNNNNN!!!!!! I will not tell you twice!

All this to say, this kinda ruined the idea of love for me, at least for now. I don’t feel as attracted to men as I did before. And even if I mistakenly did, I won’t commit like I once would. In fact, I don't think I'm in the right space to be intentional about that aspect of my life right now. Maybe I will with time, but that's how I feel now.

Before I forget; something I’ve learned about myself through all this is that I don’t really know how to get into a relationship. I mean, I don’t even know how it works. 

So, how do you all do it? how did you guys get into relationships with your current partners. Like from being strangers to being each other's emergency contacts? Because here, it feels like I have it all wrong; like I’m bugging or crazy.

Isn’t there supposed to be this sort of "talking stage" where you get to know each other for a few weeks or months, then the guy asks you to be his girlfriend, and then you date for a couple of months to few years and think about marriage? 

Maybe I’m wrong, or maybe this has always just been a dynamic where we come from or the long-distance relationship dynamic. And in person, though, shouldn’t this process be a lot quicker? Because you meet regularly, have more frequent “conjugal visits”, and then it should only take a week or two to know if you want to commit or be in a long haul with this person, right? And if not, y'all be clear on what y'all want out of it. I really do not know how this works, seeing as I'm even doubting what I'm saying lol.

I don't even know if this makes sense, but if you get it, can you clarify for me? These Italians are making me feel like I’m the only one who took this love thing seriously when I first got here. 😂

Anyway, maybe it’s just a phase I’m going through. My frontal lobe sure still has some developing to do. 

But here’s what I've come to realise regarding this aspect of my life; I’ve evolved in how I see myself. I love myself so much more now than I ever did before. I’m quicker to discern what's right for me, more prudent, and less likely to fall into unhealthy situations. 

You know that moment when you get to realise how much you didn't love yourself and you disrespected yourself so much for the things you let happen when you were younger in the name of, 'you're healing from a past situation', and all you want to do is hate yourself for that. 

I made mistakes that I still struggle to forgive myself for. I think we have to give ourselves grace. You were young, foolish, and didn’t know better. Not like you’re not perfect now either, true, you're more self-aware, but you're still human and not infallible and I think that should count when it comes to giving yourself more grace all while putting all efforts to stick to the boundaries you've made for yourself and the respect you deserve.

Point is, in the process of bettering yourself, don’t leave room to hate yourself for what you once did. Forgive yourself and move on. Yes, I know it sounds cliché, but if I found a better, wiser and less cliché way to put it, I will. 

But I'm not a writer, just a person pouring out their thoughts as they come, on paper. Maybe for posterity or some concrete memory to be able to look back to when my brain's long-term memory fails me someday and laugh.

Oh, and there’s this thing we always tell ourselves: "I’ll be a better human in my next relationship because I’ve learned from my past mistakes." But do we really? I think we say this to trick our minds into believing it, but once you’re in the next relationship, it’s almost like we’re back to square one. Maybe even worse...💀

So, to all of you in your late 20s and 30s; what’s one love lesson your 20s taught you? I’d really love to know. Any advice on this whole love thing would be very much appreciated! 😔