IT IS NOT “WOW”, DO YOU FINDINGS!!!🙄

Just Genuine Curiosity, A Weird Spot Between Belief and a Blank Slate...

This piece has been embedded in my drafts for a long time, and I have been really really really hesitant on publishing it because though it's aimed to be objectively thought-provoking, it has also sort of been an introspective read for me. An intimate moment between my thoughts and me.

Anyways, let's get right to it.

This is raw, and I apologise in advance for any offence it may procure. It’s essentially just a collection of unanswered questions and doubts that crossed my mind at random times. I tried to document them on here before they faded, so what you’re reading is an unfiltered reflection of my thoughts on theology.

The questions may also seem abrupt because I typed them as they aired in my mind.

One more thing before you get right into the questions, I just want to say, it would be intellectually dishonest of me not to label myself an agnostic, considering how outrageous some of these questions might be viewed objectively.

Anyways,

I don't know if this makes sense but why has Christianity mastered the art of shifting the goalposts? If they pray for a sick person, they'll say something of the sorts, “By His stripes, we are healed”, implying the person will be healed in Jesus' name. But say that same person dies after all the prayers, suddenly it's, “It was God’s will for them to go.” Hmm!

What is the purpose of praying for others?

Better still, what is the concept of prayer, exactly? If God is omniscient, doesn’t He already know our heart’s desires? Why do we need to spell them out? Is it to remind Him? Does that mean He forgets?

What exactly is the point of speaking in tongues? And aggressive prayers? Does that mean those who don’t pray aggressively won’t make it to heaven?

What exactly does it mean to be called by God? To hear God speak to you? How do you know it’s not psychosis? How do you distinguish the voices? How do you distinguish between the divine communication and psychosis?

I've always thought and said that the most devoted Christian is the one who has mastered the art of never questioning or side-eyeing scripture. The one who knows how to ignore the obvious, reframe troubling passages, and find meaning in them. Cause let’s be honest, there are troublesome scriptures. So, they cherry-pick. They shift goalposts, yes, another instance of shifting goalposts.

Oh, and let me already establish this. I'm afraid I don't subscribe to the concept of free will.

Point in case, you can’t say God has a plan for us and still claim we have free will. That to me is paradoxical, counterintuitive at best.

Or should we talk about how blatantly misogynistic many stories and/or Scriptures in the Bible are?

I find Christianity to be a whole lot of virtue signalling. People avoid the obvious, hard-hitting, thought-provoking questions that would make gatherings awkward, that would make people stutter. 

Sermons and prayers are filled with word salad, phrases repeated without true understanding, phrases that people don't even understand the half of what they actually mean.

Yes, I attend Bible studies mostly of which if I'm being honest is motivated by my genuine curiosity. And from my perspective or consensus or understanding, is just listening to people interpret how a passage spoke to them. Their personal takeaways. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but me thinks, if we were truly studying it, wouldn’t it involve more questions than interpretations? We don’t actually know what these passages meant or the intentions behind the conveyer of the message. We simply impose our own meaning onto them. And who is to say our different meanings are coherent, or, dare I say, truth?

If anything, I believe the Bible exists to make us question, not to make assumptions.

It’s like research (I'm sorry, if i just had to talk about my career, haha), when we discover something extraordinary, we don’t go ahead solely making assumptions. If anything, it's a prompt for us to ask more questions. We conduct studies. We seek answers.

This is why, religion to me, feels like torture.

I believe there are so many people; devout believers, new believers, non-believers, who carry countless doubts but are too afraid to voice them. And when they do, they always get likened to Thomas in the Bible, the doubter.

But was Thomas wrong? Why is he stigmatised, villainised even, for his curiosity???

I don’t know, man.

I don’t know how Christian scientists do it. Because I understand those who don’t. It must definitely be torture for those of us who have to take every word in the book with a grain of salt. Scientists fundamentally seek explanations. How do you navigate faith without questioning everything?

What is the point of studying the Old Testament? The New Testament? What is the point of memorising verses?

Why do Christians have this exception complex? You say, “I am God’s child/baby.” So those who don’t say it... aren’t? You say, “We are all God’s children.” Who, exactly, qualifies? So, in the end, is it an ALL OR NOTHING something? or an exclusively special something? Why the confusion? 

What is the end goal of Christianity for you if at all there is? Of being closer to God? Is it just a subconscious fear of hell? Talking of which, what is up with the Heaven and Hell fear factor of Christianity?

What exactly is the bread of life and living water?

So, we’re expected to believe unconditionally, yet His love is conditional? And if you say it isn't, then why does it matter for people to come closer to him, believer or not? Why don't you just be as you are and live your life as is then if his love isn't conditional?

Christians talk about enjoying eternal life with Jesus in heaven after death. What exactly are you enjoying later? Why do you want to enjoy?

Also, are you implying we owe Him because He paid for our sins?

Fasting as you say, is supposed to be for ourselves and not for him, but how do you mean? What, exactly, in us requires fasting and prayer?

Why should you seek Jesus? How do you seek Him? How do you know when you’ve found Him? Or do you keep seeking for eternity?

I think the idea that the moment you get to accept Jesus into your life will be the only time when everything will start turning around for your good in your life could be likened to hysteria and the placebo effect. I don't know if you catch my drift on this take.

What if you already have peace, without Christ? Don't tell me about some, you think you have but you don't, istg!

What exactly eternal things does God give us? What lasts for eternity? Life? Surely not biological life you mean. What is the use of these eternal things?

And what does blessing His name mean? Why and how do you do that?

How do you know your interpretation of the Word is Just, especially considering how many people lack language comprehension skills?

I think we need to dispel this myth that the grass is greener on the other side. And that if we just get there, wherever there is, we’ll find endless bliss and joy.

To me bliss, joy, and happiness are here. Now.

I don’t know man, but there’s just so much I come across about this religion (Christianity) that makes me blurt out, “Well, isn’t that just convenient?🙂” every five minutes.

And one thing that truly frustrates me, nobody is direct about the religion. They respond to you with a whole bunch of words and/or go all philosophical on you saying things that don’t really make sense or hold meaning.

It’s confusing. It makes the entire religion feel extremely performative to me.

Well, these are just my perspectives on this religion, as an acknowledging Thomas, loolll. I’m not denying that there’s a spiritual aspect to life or that some supernatural being exists. I suppose, in the end, all I’m really trying to say is this: I do not care enough about it, nor do I see a very compelling enough reason to, at least not yet.

Maybe God will “arrest” me one day, like people say He does, completely shifting my perspective and turning me into one of His most fervent believers. Maybe, just maybe, that day will come.🤷🏽‍♀️ Until then…

Anyhoo, any further thoughts I have on this topic, I’ll definitely add in due time. But for now, in all honesty and vulnerability, this is where I stand with my faith. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments if you’d like.

Have an awesome morning, afternoon, evening, or whatever time it is when you’ve stumbled upon this piece from my perhaps ignorant or illiterate brain.

Warmest kisses! 😘